Mental Health, Poetry

Little Girl/Awake, Part 5/Collaboration, Part 1

Borrowed this photo from OraforLife for her poem The Locked Up Soul. Posting a poem I wrote that both her poem and photo reminded me of. Thank you, Ora! Hope you enjoy. 🙂

*****

Quite by accident one day
I was sitting on a bench alone
Staring into nothingness
Seemingly content
Then came this little girl
A familiar girl
She sat beside me
Prim and proper
Soft dark skin
Deep brown eyes
An angel almost
And in her presence
My soul felt more tattered
Then the clothes I was wearing
So I tried to ignore her
No
She tugged at my sleeve
I thought it would come off in her tiny hand
She posed her questions
“What is love?” she asked
Didn’t look at her.
“Love is waste,” I said
“Worthless, painful, never love.”
“What is hate?”
“Hate is the only true emotion.
What forces you to soldier on
What keeps you alive.”
“And what is life?”
I cringe.
“Life. Life is a trial.
It is agony.
It is blood outpoured
And never regained.
It is broken hearts and dreams.
Life is being here and dying.
Nothing more.”
When I finished
She was silent
I finally brought myself to look at her
To look deep into her eyes
There was sweetness there
There was hope
There was innocence
Would I destroy her
Wit the bitterness within me?
How could I speak these words?
How could I let her think these things?
And so I took her in my arms
And took her tiny hand
Held it tight
“Let me try this again,” I said
“Love is a splendid feeling
That should be given and felt
And though sometimes it hurts
We never give up on it
Hate is for the lost
Those who gave up on love
And so they choose anger
Life is not just what you see
It is only what you make it
So choose a path
Never look back
Do not be ashamed of it.”
When I finished
Her eyes were shining
She smiled
I looked at this child
This girl I used to be
The one who lives in me
I realized I had forgotten all I told her
I had forgotten what life could be
Forgotten happiness
I had only allowed myself to know
My rancid inner soul
No more
So I took her in my arms
Hugged her
Squeezed her
Until she was no longer there
Until I only held myself
I stood up then
With renewed spirit
A young girl’s hope
And a lust of long ago
I chose a path
A brand new road
I will not look back
I will not find shame

Mental Health

The Beckett Sisters

Have you seen the movie The Beckett Sisters? It stars Diane Keaton, Kathy Bates, and Barbara Streisand as three, somewhat strange, women in a small village. They may or may not be related, but they all have the same last name and the same supernatural powers. They can visit other realms at the snap of a finger. They can pull red and people roses from another world into the dreary, clouded fall off their small village. Each of the ladies has one child, all of whom are attempting to find this gift within themselves while struggling to come of age. It is a tale of jealousy, resentment, age-old quarrels among adults, and new ones along teenagers. With appearances from Charlie Heaton and Natalia Dyer, of Stranger Things, this is a film that teaches us…

…nothing. Because it just ends very abruptly. After I awoke, it too me several minutes to understand that I had dreamed the whole thing. This is a battle I often have, distinguishing dream from reality when I’m awake. I have to have conversations with myself to determine what is true or false. Unfortunately, that was only one of several very vivid dreams I had this night. It’s 0425, and I’m afraid to go back to sleep. As the dream fades, I’m not sure Kathy Bates was one of the three actresses, but it was a definitely a hell of a cast.

Aren’t sleep aids/antidepressants/antipsychotics just great? On top of the words and the do-loop of rumination that can’t get out of your head? Sleep on that.