It’s Time to Get Back Out There…

Looking for some thoughts and motivation from my WordPress family.

I haven’t been on a date since April. Before that, it had been over a year.

I wasn’t with the last guy for more than a month. Neither of us wanted to be serious; neither of us was in the best place. But, after that first night, I knew I could be with him forever.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t enough for him. I don’t think anyone could’ve been, but I can’t wonder about that. I think he wanted it to fail because he proceeded to fuck things up in every way possible. He hurt me in every way he could, but I don’t think he realizes it.

I believe it’s time to start dating again. I’m sick of wallowing in self-pity wondering why I’m alone when I’m not even trying to put myself out there. I’m sick of spending all of my nights home alone wishing for someone I will never have. But, I’m terrified. I’m afraid of anything or anyone new. I’m afraid to trust anyone. I’m afraid I’ll be comparing other people to HB (it’s a nickname).

I’m afraid I’m not ready. I’m afraid I’ll do to someone what he did to me.

Plus, these dating sites are shiiiiiiiiiiit. I mean, what is wrong with people these days?

Any advice out there?

Random, Relationships

Awake, Part 12/On Dating

This is starting to become the norm – wide awake at zero dark with the thoughts in my head and the roaches hiding in the dark for company. Seriosuly, I went out to get some water and found two in the sink. Apartment living…

I finally had a breakdown last night over the last guy I dated. Cried for awhile. It is not the first time he’s made me cry. I took a break after him. I had no desire to date anyone. I’ll spare you all the details except to say that we had very similar personalities, but he was ultimately very selfish and I think, just scared of me. Our last day together was perfect and I will cherish that memory. That was over three months ago. I haven’t seen him since. I miss him, but it’s time to move on. I wonder if he reads this…

So, I’m back on a dating site! I’ve tried just about every one there is with minimal luck, so I just stick with the free ones. I have the same experience. I hate that society has come to this. Reality tv and online dating. There’s so much pressure to say the right thing, have the right pictures, so much pressure to impress over pixels. I miss meeting people organically, even if I wasn’t very good at it. Anyway, wish me luck!