Random, Relationships

Musings, Part Whatever

This is going to turn back into a more than poetry blog. I forgot that it was therapeutic to release my thoughts here.


I deleted my Twitter app today. Not my account. Just the app. I was suddenly hit with and disgusted by the facade.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy Twitter. I’m off and on it and this during this last round (which was longer than most), I connected with many other poets. It was fun to bounce of the minds of others and be critiqued on my work.

But, much like most else, it’s not real.

I’ve realized that I go there in my low points. When I’m depressed and I want to distract myself. The thing that most love about Twitter is its anonymity. You can be whatever, say whatever, call yourself whatever. There’s so much PORN! It got to a point, where just about everyday, I ended up on the page of a new follower and immediately was like, woops!

There are great people there. There are a few folks I even consider friends. To what extent, though? I was talking with one of these friends. He had tweeted awhile back about having a Twitter party so we could all meet each other. I remember telling him that we should really do it. I brought it back up to him today. Really, I just wanted him to know that it would be cool to meet him. We’d become friends. He’d gotten me to open up. He said something very noncommittal and I was suddenly over it all. Not over him… He’s a good person, which just makes me more sad.

I’ve become friend, therapist, and inspiration to people. Even an instigator. At the end of the day, it doesn’t mean anything does it? So, why do we spend so much time on an app that ultimately gives us nothing? It’s a forum to let out the things we wouldn’t share on Facebook or in suitable, adult conversation. It’s where we can be more us. It’s where we can let our degenerate out. It’s the place where we know we’re all a little fucked up and it’s ok.

I can’t live there anymore.

I’ve been hurting. Deeply. Was it another asshat I went out with? Of course! You guys know that I love and I love hard. It hurts to lose a love interest, a friend, anyone really… Told myself I wouldn’t fall apart, but I did. At least, though, I told this one about himself. Why shouldn’t he know, even though he went back to his ex? Why shouldn’t he know that I saw what he would do before he did because I understood his feelings when he didn’t? Why shouldn’t he know that, for once, I thought someone chose me first, and it turned out, in the end… that he was never fully present, that he was always going to go back, whether it was me or some other girl? I just wish it was some other girl… Why should I carry the burden alone. He should know what he did. People need to understand the impact they have, the damage they do, whether they stick around for awhile or breeze in and out of your life like a gust of wind.

So, it’s probably time to stop wallowing. Get back to me. To reality. To life. To stop taking solace in an imaginary world full of real people I can’t ever know.

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Poetry

Neverland

I need something different
Something foreign
An other world entity
To take hold of my soul

Second star to the right?
You clipped my wings
Who snorted the pixie dust?

Hanging out here
In space
Pretending

I need the Hitchhiker’s Guide
To the answer I know isn’t real
Solace
Lies

Poetry

Wet

Beautiful stranger
In the rain
We
Both drenched
You
Can see my every curve
I
Can see… You…
How you grow and curve
Both wet and willing
Devour me
Here
Now


I’m feeling some kind of way tonight!

Poetry

Blue Jeans

The rain mist falls on my skin
Storm’s coming
It’s cool out
Music and a drink
Wish I smoked
I’m thinking about how much I like you
In your blue jeans
Trying to forget you at the same time
Until the end of time
I will feel you in me


Yes, it’s Lana inspired. It’s that kinda night.

Poetry

When I Think of Italy

I wanted to lie with you
Eyes closed
Light filtering through thin curtains
Breeze flowing through open windows
Gently whispering us awake
Hear the voices of the locals stirring
Tighten your grip
As I fall into you
We’d relive the passion of the night
In the morning glow

Poetry

Send in the Clowns

Maybe I’ll be a clown
If I hide my tears
Behind another face
If I paint my scars
Could my pain
Make you laugh?
Just don’t look in my eyes

Poetry

Dear butterfly

Dear butterfly
I beg of you
Please #pass me by

Don’t land on my shoulder
Don’t kiss my nose
Don’t even whisper in my ear
As you breeze by

Don’t let me see you
Don’t let my eyes turn kaleidoscope
At your brilliance
Or blind

Little butterfly
Keep your chaos to yourself

Don’t force me to strip you of your wings
As you set mine aflame

Poetry

Wrapped

I want to wrap myself around your little finger
Wrap my arms around your neck
Wrap our slick bodies in wet sheets
Wrap my soul around yours
Wrap my lips around…
You

Poetry

Forgiveness

While my head
Might be so disinclined
My heart acquiesces
I forgive you
In the same moment
That I wrap my limbs around you
Bite
Mark as you as mine
In all the places I want
In all the places you like
In all the places that makes you moan

Love, Poetry

Blue

I looked into the blue of your eyes
I ceased feeling blue
I saw peace, serenity in the depths
I saw the blue of the ocean
Us making love in the tide
I thought maybe
I’d like to try forever with you