If I could be
Half of what you think I am
I could fly to the moon
It may be that I am
All that you see in me
But I’m too in my head
To see my own glory
I think you’re all that I have
I think without you
I don’t stand a chance
The truth is
I haven’t learned to love me
How can I really love you
When I haven’t learned to be me?


In the Wash

Your arm is draped around my waist
We’re locked causally together
In the calm after the fervor
Our gazes are locked in silence
There are stories in your eyes
I try to pull them from within
Attempt to know the real you
Can’t we just have this?
An eternal perfect moment
Naked bodies
Naked souls
Naked thoughts
Before the morning comes
And in the first morning rays
We retreat
We are shy
Our thoughts take over
We talk ourselves out of love
Only the sheets can tell our tale
Of a night of ferocity
That will soon be forgotten in the wash


Groundhog Day

If I could relive one day over and over
It would be the last day I was with you
If I could have one moment again
It would be that last moment I had with you
When there were no shadows to be seen
Everyday would end with your kiss
An all encompassing happiness
I wouldn’t know it would be the last
I wouldn’t know how fleeting love can be
I wouldn’t know that I wouldn’t know you again
The smile of ignorance would still be upon me
With the promise of spring on the horizon


The Three Cs

I’m tired of being a secret
A long hidden diamond
Bloodied by your misuse
What I thought a careful caress
Are your smeared fingerprints
Made with my essence
You cut me deep
Dulled my color
Robbed me of clarity
Mounted me on a pedestal
Where you could make me look small
As I, childlike, clung to your finger
On the hand you hide in your back pocket
But, I caught a glimpse of the light
Of the others you show off like trophies
The ones you eventually throw away
Because none of them match what I was
Before you got ahold of me
I realized finally
I have to leave you behind
I constrict until your finger swells and breaks
This is my moment to be coveted
Like the precious gem I am
You are less without me
But, I am less with you



Raging in the dark before dawn
Put off the coming of the sun
In the clouds is my real self
I can hide here
Cry camouflaged tears
Inevitably, though, angry skies dissipate
My secrets cannot be seen
I force my soul into submission
Wrangle my visible shell into a sunburst
Aglow with the lie
Until I’ve become something
That to the naked eye
Tainted by blues and yellows
Is right as rain


Ashes, Part 4

Buried in ash
Unrecognizable to you
Even more to myself
The phoenixes rise around me
Imagine the fire
Their light is too bright
Too full of meaning
Resplendent reminders of my shortcomings
I burrow deeper in shadow
As wings beat down my soft, shy song
Fear takes over
With it the notion
That my beauty will never be seen
Hidden away until I fade away
I will never rise from ashes
I am unknown


I think…

Hey y’all… I’m still alive

I think
That I finally don’t love you
I think
That you don’t permeate me
My thoughts and feelings
I think
That I finally don’t miss you
You are now a memory
In the cobwebs of my mind
Not an ever present source of regret
In the confines of my heart
No, not regret exactly
For a life without knowing you
Without the ecstasy you bring
Without the arch in my back
From your touch in the right spot
Would’ve been a life lacking
I think
That I know who I am without you
I think I know who I could be

I think I finally don’t love you
I think



Hey all! Sorry, I’ve been away. Trying to get my head and heart right. Life’s a struggle…

I feel your shadow
The burn from your touch lingers
In this self-made hell
God or Devil
Grant me indifference
Sentence me to purgatory
So that I might see your face
And feel nothing


The Silence

No words for me, my love?
Must you continue in silence?

You could tell me you never should’ve abandoned me, that you miss the feel of me in your arms and the way it felt when I caressed your face

You could tell me that you long to kiss me deeply and make long, intense, body-shaking love to make up for lost time

You could tell me you feel nothing for me, that you never did and you never will, that you used me to pass the time

You could insult me, call me names, tell me I’m not the one, break my heart all over again

You could tell me truths
You could tell me lies

You could say anything

This quiet torments me like being lost and alone in the dark on a moonless night, unable to see, afraid to move forward, unwilling to move at all

You trapped me here… Clever of you. Are you watching me through unfeeling, glass eyes? I think you like this game.

I’m trying to find my way out
I softly, tentatively whisper into the black ink of night

No words for me, my love?


A Samson of Sorts

You were my Delilah, in a way

Deceived me with words of affection while you plotted against me

When you left, I shaved my own head and became something less than ordinary

Gouge my eyes out, please, I would not look upon the false pity of others, their momentary concern

I cannot bring down any pillars save one, myself, for I am not the pillar of strength everyone believes me to be and I cannot feign confidence anymore

This pillar will crumble to the ground and I’ll be the only victim because the onlookers will step carefully aside

They will offer no assistance but watch me tear myself down with marked disinterest

As I lie bleeding and dying, I note that my hair has begun to grow back, but it is too late

All that I was went with my hair and with you and I postulate that this perhaps means I was nothing to begin with

Nothing but a malleable, gullible puppet whose only gift (crime?) was loving you