Poetry

The Silence

No words for me, my love?
Must you continue in silence?

You could tell me you never should’ve abandoned me, that you miss the feel of me in your arms and the way it felt when I caressed your face

You could tell me that you long to kiss me deeply and make long, intense, body-shaking love to make up for lost time

You could tell me you feel nothing for me, that you never did and you never will, that you used me to pass the time

You could insult me, call me names, tell me I’m not the one, break my heart all over again

You could tell me truths
You could tell me lies

You could say anything
Something

This quiet torments me like being lost and alone in the dark on a moonless night, unable to see, afraid to move forward, unwilling to move at all

You trapped me here… Clever of you. Are you watching me through unfeeling, glass eyes? I think you like this game.

I’m trying to find my way out
I softly, tentatively whisper into the black ink of night

Hello?
No words for me, my love?

Poetry

A Samson of Sorts

You were my Delilah, in a way

Deceived me with words of affection while you plotted against me

When you left, I shaved my own head and became something less than ordinary

Gouge my eyes out, please, I would not look upon the false pity of others, their momentary concern

I cannot bring down any pillars save one, myself, for I am not the pillar of strength everyone believes me to be and I cannot feign confidence anymore

This pillar will crumble to the ground and I’ll be the only victim because the onlookers will step carefully aside

They will offer no assistance but watch me tear myself down with marked disinterest

As I lie bleeding and dying, I note that my hair has begun to grow back, but it is too late

All that I was went with my hair and with you and I postulate that this perhaps means I was nothing to begin with

Nothing but a malleable, gullible puppet whose only gift (crime?) was loving you

Random

Hidden Hearts

How many excuses start with
My heart just isn’t in it
Followed by a noncommittal shrug
Where have our hearts gone
Why are they hiding
They’ve grown silent
Cast off their ventricles
Ceased pumping
They’ve retreated to dusty nooks
To avoid being seen
They convene in shadow
To share secrets with themselves
They are cracked and broken
From abuse, misuse, and disuse
They are wrinkled
Cobwebbed in corners
Hiding because they’re afraid
To love
To be held
To beat
How many hearts can no longer be coaxed to have a heart

Poetry

Empty Spaces

When I wake
I expect to see you lying beside me
I would watch the rise and fall of your breathing
Watch you smile while you dream

When I shower
I expect you to climb in behind me
Mold yourself to my naked body
Keep me wet and warm

When I open my door
I expect to see you standing there
Not with gifts, but hand outstretched
Waiting for me to meet the day

When I come home
I expect you to welcome me
Brush away the cares of the world
With a light caress

With your kiss
I would remember myself
Forget everything that matters not

As I move, though
I’m met with empty spaces
Where I wish you were
Accosted by shadows
Playing at memories long dead

Inside and outside of my skin
Everywhere is empty
I feel little and broken
Insignificant
Unwanted

Empty

Poetry

Bone cold

I want your arms around me
I reject the idea
That I will never have that warmth again
But the cold in my bones says otherwise

Poetry

Untitled, Part 2

What good would crying do
Staining my bedsheets black
With bile and ink from my eyes
I lay my head down to sleep
I dream a dream of you
In the tears I shed for you

Random

Sober November – Day 18

Hey folks. Sorry, I’ve been quiet these last few days. Either my heart isn’t in writing or the words just won’t come or both. But, I’m going to work on it this week.

Stats:

I’ve been slightly more relaxed. I’m learning things about myself. There are activities I no longer enjoy and other things I’d like to do with my life that I need to put into action. That will be a work in progress. It is difficult to embrace the loneliness that comes with realizing you’ve crossed over into another part of your life.

Still no alcohol! I had a non-alcoholic mango daiquiri last night that was amazing.

Diet hasn’t been so great. I’ve been happily eating sugar, lol. But, I’m being semi-conscious and I’m hitting the gym so I’ve stopped gaining weight!

I think I will spend the day cleaning and watching Star Trek. I might try to get in a poem or two. 🙂

Poetry

Change

I want to tell you
How much I miss you
But I know we mustn’t speak

I want to hold you
Wrap my arms around your naked body
Like I used to do
After…
But we’ll never have those moments again

Thoughts of you fill every open cavity of my brain
But I know
That you probably never spare a thought for me
Maybe you can spare some change?
I could use a little
I could use some respite
From thinking of you every waking moment
When you’ve long since forgotten me

Poetry

Tainted

Are we ruined?
Perhaps not
But we are most assuredly
Tainted
Only washing my heart
In tears
Will clear away the ink

Music

From My Playlist, Part 100 – Lana Del Rey

This is the last one, ya’ll! My first music related post was getting into the details and lyrics of this song. You can see that post here. I love this song and as you guys are well aware by now, I love Lana Del Rey. So, for those of you that missed the first post on this, here’s Heroin by Lana Del Rey.

What should I do next???