Sick of this monotonous life
I wake to birds chirping and rivers flowing
The sound grates on my ears
I leave my room
Lethargic, sluggish
Not ready to face the day
No desire to face the sun streaming through my windows
It blinds me with its ephemeral aura
In my kitchen is my personal pharmacy of happy pills
They should taste like sunlight but they crumble like ashes in my mouth
To the sofa
I should go out, leave the confining space in between these walls
But this is my comfort zone, my safe place
My blanket and inane cartoons are my company
I know they will not hurt me
My stomach contorts in contradiction with the need for more than this and the fear of it
What has happened to my ethereal glow, my lust for life?
They seem like ghosts, remnants of a time long passed, almost forgotten
I begin to wonder if they ever existed, if I ever existed
Instead of just barreling through the motions like I lost control on an obstacle course
Overtaken my melancholia

8 thoughts on “Conflicted”

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