Awake, Part 18

Dreams. I wish I couldn’t have them. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had dreamless sleep. My dreams keep getting stranger. Tonight was no different.

From senior year in high school to sometime during my second year of college (17-19), I had a best friend. We did everything together. She was in a sister congregation so the relationship meet with unconditional approval. Ultimately, though, for reasons I won’t go into at this early hour of the morning, the relationship failed and I walked away from it.

In the middle of that (at 18), I dated a guy five years older than me. He was also in the same sister congregation, but people gave me many warnings about him. I was enamored and didn’t listen. I gave up friends to be with him. It only lasted a couple months, but the drama lasted about five years. Again, I won’t go into the deals.

I don’t give either of them much thought and when I do, it’s quick and in passing.

So, why did I have an intense dream that involved both of them?? There were others from my own old congregation. People I haven’t seen or spoken to in years. Many were excited over my father’s ingenuity.

Now, my mind is consumed, wondering where this came from. I fear going back to sleep.

Isn’t it funny how we sometimes don’t know what our own mind is thinking? What it’s trying to tell us?

14 thoughts on “Awake, Part 18”

  1. Well, here’s what I operate on when it comes to dreams: your subconscious does a lot of heavy-duty problem solving when you’re asleep. It has a vast capacity to do so, but, it doesn’t speak the same language as your conscious mind. So once a problem has been elaborated on and solved, it tries to relate that to your conscious mind as best as it can.

    The “symbols” in dreams can’t be set in a dictionary, they’re unique for each person, BUT, the symbols are usually very simple, because your subconscious treats your conscious like a bit of a dunce (which, comparably, it may be) and so uses functional symbols.

    So it’s not so much what they “mean” but what they “represent” which is their function. Like, a family member you are close to often represents a need for that closeness, for understanding. An ex lover that you had a terrible experience with represents (can represent) stress, conflict, or a stand-in for another antagonist who invoked similar feelings.

    So if you want a breakdown, you think about what these people represent to you, what they are the “avatars”, so to speak, of. Then you can start going into the events.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. An interesting point of view. I’ll have to think about it. I just woke up from a second dream that was a continuation of my first dream. Had a damn soundtrack. Clearly, my mind is trying to tell me something.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am a very lucid dreamer…have always been. I also have recurring nightmares, again, have had them most of my life. I’ve learned to recognize that I am, in fact, dreaming which makes the nightmares somewhat easier to handle. I used to be able to “change channels” mid-dream if I didn’t like where one was headed, but, alas, aging and multiple concussions has essentially killed that ability.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh dear! I’m a lucid dreamer as well. Sometimes I can stop a dream if I don’t like where it’s going, but most of the time, I’m along for the ride. I often get confused about what was real or not.


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