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Awake, Part 15

I’ve done it again. Allowed a person into my life and heart, only to realize they’re intentions are not honorable and probably never were. Perhaps, there’s a sign on my forehead that says “punching bag.” It’s next to the ones that say “sunshine” and “tell me your whole life and I’ll fix you.”

Is this my purpose? To be what others need when they need it, then be discarded when everything is status quo again? To be a light for others? But the nature of light is that it’s always kept at a distance. It’s never fully embraced.

*shrug*

In other news, my friend told me she misses “her Lauren.” There fun one. The one that would stay out all night drinking. The happy one. Where’s she gone. I ask myself if I’m truly unhappy or if there things that interest me have changed. I honestly have no desire to be out all night anymore. I find myself becoming more introverted. The cacophony of a bar grates on my nerves and I can only handle a few hours before I’m just over it. But, maybe there’s some level of unhappiness too. I’m unsure. I need to analyze myself.

4 thoughts on “Awake, Part 15”

  1. Hi Lauren,

    I felt compelled to respond because I learned this as well. Yes, bars aren’t the answer, you will only drown out what you are starting to hear from who you are really. I went introvert as well, that means it is time to listen to your inner voice, hear what Lauren wants. Others are external to you and love for self is found on the inners first. When you love yourself beyond any need for external approval or acceptance by others, you will find people who are genuine because you will know.

    Big hugs to you, Lauren, spoken from a genuine person who hears your call.

    Blessings, Jordan

    Liked by 1 person

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