Mental Health, Random

Awake, Part 10

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

I don’t even know. Knocks on the side of my head with my finger. Are there words in there?

My insomnia seems to coincide with the peak post time of people I follow. I’m thinking that I’m grateful for this because it gives me something to do while I sit here in bed alone, wide awake. My poor bed. It must feel somewhat distraught at rarely getting used for its purpose.

My therapist is concerned I might be experiencing mania. One more thing to add to the list of issues? We’ll find out. I do not want more meds, even if they do put me to sleep.

I went to a comedy show tonight. Loved the comic. Enjoyed my friends. Laughed. Smiled. Inconspicuously watched the clock wondering if it would be over soon. Irony. He made a Star Trek joke and became my new favorite person. 🖖🏾

Met the comic. He commented on how soft my skin is. Made a joke about how we should market it. I laughed. I smiled. I turned. I left. I stopped laughing. I stopped smiling. Am I spiraling downward again? Feeling mechanical, but unoiled. I’m the Tinman looking for the yellow brick road I must follow to my heart with that damnable dumb girl who kept making me sing. Why didn’t she ask what the shoes were for?

Awake. Wondering about all of these things and when this lack of sleep will kill me.

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