About Her by Malcolm McLaren. This song is lovely, calming. You may recognize it from the Kill Bill, Vol. 2 soundtrack.
Small talk. I despise small talk.
For some reason, thoughts about the weather, a randomly inserted joke… the triviality of all of it drives me crazy. I’d rather not say something unless there was something meaningful to say. I don’t care how many times I’ve seen you in the hallway today. I don’t care if we appear to be on the same bathroom schedule. I don’t care how humid you think it is. It’s Florida. Get over it. Sure, I’d like to hear the high-level description of your weekend, but I don’t really want to hear all the details, nor do I want to tell you all of mine.
Does that make me a bad person?
Often, I don’t know if this comes out of 1) my introversion and lack of desire to talk, 2) my depression and anxiety and lack of desire to talk, and/or 3) I’m just a total bitch. And, you know… lack of desire to talk.
Lying naked in my bed
Intertwining my fingers
One of these hands could be yours
Relishing my soft skin
But you’re out chasing other things
You thought were soft and warm
So, I’m here alone
Wondering what might have been
Enjoying what you threw away
Why won’t you see me
Everything is for you
The stars in the sky
The last vestiges of my heart
All in between aren’t enough
Havana. Back to sunsets on the beach with a date…
For my 50th post in this series, the theme from one of the shows most dear to my heart, Star Trek.
The Night Begins to Shine by B.E.R. I’m mildly ashamed to say this, but I heard this song on an episode of Teen Titans Go (I pretty much leave the tv on Cartoon Network…) This song is awesome and will make you want to dance like an idiot while driving.
Dreams. I wish I couldn’t have them. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had dreamless sleep. My dreams keep getting stranger. Tonight was no different.
From senior year in high school to sometime during my second year of college (17-19), I had a best friend. We did everything together. She was in a sister congregation so the relationship meet with unconditional approval. Ultimately, though, for reasons I won’t go into at this early hour of the morning, the relationship failed and I walked away from it.
In the middle of that (at 18), I dated a guy five years older than me. He was also in the same sister congregation, but people gave me many warnings about him. I was enamored and didn’t listen. I gave up friends to be with him. It only lasted a couple months, but the drama lasted about five years. Again, I won’t go into the deals.
I don’t give either of them much thought and when I do, it’s quick and in passing.
So, why did I have an intense dream that involved both of them?? There were others from my own old congregation. People I haven’t seen or spoken to in years. Many were excited over my father’s ingenuity.
Now, my mind is consumed, wondering where this came from. I fear going back to sleep.
Isn’t it funny how we sometimes don’t know what our own mind is thinking? What it’s trying to tell us?
Moon Under Water by Chad Valley. Heard this one while having dinner at a restaurant. The song came to me over the cacophony of the crowd. It makes me happy.